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Sunday, July 03, 2005

Oh Sweet Jesus

I had a thought that this day might come, but I hadn't prepared myself fully for the possibilities. The other half of my family, which might be called the active half, has called for an impromptu family reunion on the 4th of July. And my parents and I are going.

I call the other half of my family the active half, because they actually seem to be attempting to increase. They're my mom's sister's family, and though the nuclear family of wife-husband-2 daughters is the same size in number of units as my own, they seem to have other people attached. I'm not entirely sure how, but I have heard the word "clan" or the number "twelve" or something used in reference to them. They're also more directly active, in that both of my cousins are actually procreating, a task which my sister and I have gratefully failed to accomplish.

But wait, there's more! My nuclear family tends to keep to itself. When I think "family" there's me, my parents, my sister, and my grandmother(on the mother's side, therefore the matron of this whole mess). I haven't seen any of these people that I'm supposed to know in a decade or more. My image of "cousin" involves a dark-haired girl, about 8 or 10, missing teeth. But they all know each other. Oh, yes, I'm going to be the only one there lost.

To top it all off, I am the mystery man of the family. They're practical people. They farm. Raise horses. That sort of thing. I have heard that they wonder about me and my newfangled liberal arts education. They can understand my sister getting an education in playing the viola more than they understand mine in history. So I will be the focus of Questions. And then I might be asked what my plans are. I need to come up with a good lie and stick with it. I'm currently leaning towards "That information is currently classified, ma'am/sir."

And finally, to top off the topping off.....it's on the 4th of July. I have no idea of the political affiliation of my suddenly discovered extended family, but I'd be willing to bet money that it's not mine, and there might be pro-America or even pro-military celebrations that I am going to have to find some way to courteously excuse myself from. And if there's one thing I'm not...it's courteous.

On the bright side, I hear they play poker. Maybe I can be nice to the kiddies, and hold my own in the gamblin', and thus charm everyone's feminine AND masculine sides!

good god, what if they ask me about my own children
- Rowan Kaiser, 4:00 AM
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