About me

one inanity at a time


Blog it, baby

Life in the Pink
Operated Boy
Bad News Hughes

Smart People and Politics

The Black Commentator
Steve Gilliard's News Blog
Tom Tomorrow
Whiskey Bar

Friday, October 29, 2004

The Deed Is Done

So I voted for the douchebag today on my absentee ballot. Then I took out my rage on some poor Democratic candidate for State Senator, whose resume was basically a list of how connected he was to the military-industrial complex. Unfortunately, I did it by voting for his Republican opponent, which I quickly realized was stupid. Since I had an absentee ballot, however, I was stuck with the decision. Whoops.

This poor candidate only got in this mess because one of his pamphlets was included in the pile of voting material I received. Had his opponent sent me anything on his political views, I'd have probably disliked him more. The more you know, the more you hate, I guess.

There was some other great stuff in the pile of voting stuff I received. For example, the Democratic Party sent a flier saying "STOP THE ONE-PARTY SYSTEM" or some such. Their resolution to this was to vote, uh, a straight Democratic ticket. Hello? Is anyone home?

Then there was the Lesbian Representative Candidate, who I was happy to vote for, though it was entirely clear if she was a lesbian or not. She just went by Ms. and said she was joined in a civil ceremony and not a marriage. Plus she was running against one of those Old Fat Rich White Republicans so I decided to make her totally not that in my mind. Lesbian it is. ANYway, she sent a little card with two halves on each side, so there were four little boxes of information. Three were about her. The fourth was a schedule for the Ohio State football team. It went like this:

October 30: at Michigan
November 2: VOTE FOR ME!
November 7: Purdue

I mean, the Buckeyes are popular in Ohio, but did she really need to attach a schedule? It was as dumb as picking up a shotgun, dressing in camoflague and a stupid hat and posing for a photo op to win Ohio's gun vote.....

Also amusing was how Ralph Nader was whitewashed. Almost literally. Over his place in the ballot was a white sticker, through which you could quite clearly see his name. It was almost symbolic of his role in American politics. No, wait, it was literally symbolic.

Yeah, I said "literally symbolic." Bring it.
- Rowan Kaiser, 4:23 PM
Comments: Post a Comment