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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

There Ain't No Drama Like Lesbian Drama, or, In England Everyone Has Text

EXPOSITION: I made friends with a girl from Ireland who's studying in London, and has a girlfriend. We spent one evening wandering around drinking a lot, exchanged phone numbers, and have played phone tag for a while until finally we were supposed to meet up this evening.

ACT ONE: So, I'm about to head out of the door and I get a text message from the girl. It's all in caps, and it says basically "IM THE GIRLFRIEND DID SHE MENTION ME. I HAVE HER PHONE. I DONT THINK SHE SHOULD MEET UP WITH YOU BUT SHE'S ALREADY GONE"

ACT ONE ANALYSIS: What the hell is this? There are layers here. Obviously, at first glance, she thinks I'm there to, as the kids say, 'hit that shit.' But then, why does she send ME the message? If I'm planning on that, then why on earth would I listen to her? It seems it's not me she doesn't trust, but rather, her girlfriend. Which may or may not be fair, she was fairly flirty, and likes men as well as women. But that's a problem with their relationship, not my friendship.

ACT TWO: I decide that I have no moral obligation to the girlfriend to do as she says. Also, the Irish girl is apparently on her way to meet me, and I do have an obligation not to stand her up. I resolve to meet her, find a convenient time to ask her if she's having girlfriend problems, then show her the message. After all, it's not like I'm so spoilt for friends that I can let a jealous partner tell me to forget one.

ACT TWO RATING: Gossip! My plan is specifically designed to surprise the most juicy information out of her. I'm pretty much ignoring the girlfriend, but hell, I've never met this person. Besides, she seems to have a case of the crazy. (Crazy? Lesbian? Maybe I should go meet up with HER!)

ACT THREE: I reach the assigned meeting spot. I wait. For around an hour, as it turns out.

ACT THREE ANALYSIS: I'm not a big fan of waiting. I hope I was in the right place. Guess I'll find out sometime what the hell the problem was.

ACT FOUR: I decide to send a text message back to the phone. Who is in possession of it? Is it the girlfriend, or the girl herself? I assume the girlfriend, as it's only been an hour. My message runs roughly as follows: "What an interesting message! You're getting your wish, as it's been an hour and she's not here. As a matter of fact, yes, she has mentioned that she has a girlfriend, and I happen to have one as well. Perhaps your concern is unwarranted."

ACT FOUR RATING: Snide, but I've been waiting for an hour at a bus stop in front of a grocery store, and the message is to someone who wasn't exactly the queen of politeness to me.

ACT FIVE: I decide to hit the internet cafe. Almost an hour later, no response to my phone message. Not sure if that's good or bad. Let's wait for the sequel?

ACT FIVE ANALYSIS: Well, there's a friendship that's halted pretty well in place for a while. With my girlfriend arriving and probably taking much of my time this week, and me going to Italy next week, it looks like the phone tag is just gonna get better.

Lesbians. Man.
- Rowan Kaiser, 2:53 PM
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