With Friends Like Blah Blah Blah Pigfuckers
So it turns out that my phone was exactly where it probably was the entire time. It's just that when I initially called it, some of my friends thought it would be funny to turn it off and so let me not find out where it was. Hilarious! Especially the part where they never did let me in on the joke! In fact, they're out of town by now.
These are some of the friends I didn't particularly miss.