Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Pacification
Being single has reminded me unfortunately of my tendency not to be able to sleep, due to random, incessant thoughts. ADD, you know how it is. During the day, I can usually deal with it pretty well, though I don't think I'm doing so great with this job, nobody seems to have noticed. During the evening, video games work marvelously to pacify me. But at night? Unless I'm dead tired, then there's nothing to stop my brain from going nuts. Unless I'm with another person. Then I can think of them. But I no longer have that "other half," and chances seem slim that something new will show up. This gets worse when I have anything that may trigger some form of depression (which is usually not far away from me anyway). Which I have had lately. So the ADD thoughts turn darker. Which means I lay awake and obsess about incredibly stupid things. How would I deal with a fire in my apartment? has replaced how will I stick it to Johnny Ashcroft? in my late-night ponderings.
Then I started thinking that these things might be metaphors for my interpersonal relationships. Wellllll, shit. That didn't help me one bit.
Being single has reminded me unfortunately of my tendency not to be able to sleep, due to random, incessant thoughts. ADD, you know how it is. During the day, I can usually deal with it pretty well, though I don't think I'm doing so great with this job, nobody seems to have noticed. During the evening, video games work marvelously to pacify me. But at night? Unless I'm dead tired, then there's nothing to stop my brain from going nuts. Unless I'm with another person. Then I can think of them. But I no longer have that "other half," and chances seem slim that something new will show up. This gets worse when I have anything that may trigger some form of depression (which is usually not far away from me anyway). Which I have had lately. So the ADD thoughts turn darker. Which means I lay awake and obsess about incredibly stupid things. How would I deal with a fire in my apartment? has replaced how will I stick it to Johnny Ashcroft? in my late-night ponderings.
Then I started thinking that these things might be metaphors for my interpersonal relationships. Wellllll, shit. That didn't help me one bit.