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Wednesday, June 18, 2003

And a Pony, too

You know what I want? I want roots. I'm not terribly close to my family. I see them once a year. I get along with them pretty well, just not pretty regularly. They're not who I turn to, really. I don't really have old friends. The only person from high school that I have any way of contacting is someone on my AIM list who is never online. College? That's where I am now, after all. But the wonders of the Antioch College co-op program* mean that all relationships are temporary. Well, all relationships are temporary anyway (thanks, Buddha), but Antioch has this self-imposed 4 month termination date. Plus I'm graduating next spring.

But before I graduate, I have four months here in Philly. Four months somewhere else. Four months back at Antioch, and then four months abroad. I have to do this, barring some sort of clever way around it, in order to get my degree. I kind of need that degree. Without it, I'm completely screwed in a job market (as opposed to mostly screwed, thanks to my BA in History and Philosophy). But this isn't about needs, really. It's about wants.

I want to be able to move into a place I'm not going to be leaving in the blink of an eye. I'm almost halfway done with my time in Philly, which strikes me as insane. I want to be able to make friends. I don't do that easily. I really, really, really don't want to have to do it four more times in the next year. I want to be able to have a relationship that doesn't have an automatic deadline, at least on physical touch.


*Antioch offers this wonderful program that, if all goes well, has students study then work (co-op) on alternating terms. The members of each class tend to be on the same sequence, so they can have friendships and relationships only a little more impeded than normal colleges with their summer breaks. Me? I'm a fuck-up. I transfered in. Lots of academic credits, no work credits. Basically, it meant that I had 4 study terms and 5 co-op terms. A little weird, but doable, right? Nope. I only figured this out after doing 3 of my first 4 terms studying. So 4 of my last 5 terms are working. I'm in the middle of the second of those now. This, by the way, is why my description says I'm a student who doesn't take classes. Because the entire year of 2003, I'm not scheduled to take a damn class.
- Rowan Kaiser, 4:49 PM
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