Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Confession
Through most of my life, I feel like I'm faking the whole thing. Especially in terms of working. When I do a job, I usually feel like I'm not doing much of anything, but I do what I'm asked, and seem to do all right. Like when I was editing The Antioch Record, a newspaper. Then I would be judged on the paper when it came out. So even if I sat down and played video games through all the office hours, as long as the paper came out and had the right news, I was doing ok. Actually, from most of the reports I got, I did a fantastic job of making sure the right things got printed. Did it matter that I was working full time, but spent maybe 10 hours a week doing actual work? I guess not. Ironically, I got the most accomplished at that job while people noticed the little work I was doing, where at other jobs, I get less done and they don't mind the lack of work.
Which leads me to believe that maybe, I wasn't faking it. Maybe just getting what needs to be done done, and going through the motions the rest of the time, is all that anyone else does. This is a frightening proposition, because if I were doing something all the time, then my output would be tremendous. Good old ADD stops that, though. If everyone wasn't actually working, and if everyone suddenly started working . . . well . . . crikey.
Through most of my life, I feel like I'm faking the whole thing. Especially in terms of working. When I do a job, I usually feel like I'm not doing much of anything, but I do what I'm asked, and seem to do all right. Like when I was editing The Antioch Record, a newspaper. Then I would be judged on the paper when it came out. So even if I sat down and played video games through all the office hours, as long as the paper came out and had the right news, I was doing ok. Actually, from most of the reports I got, I did a fantastic job of making sure the right things got printed. Did it matter that I was working full time, but spent maybe 10 hours a week doing actual work? I guess not. Ironically, I got the most accomplished at that job while people noticed the little work I was doing, where at other jobs, I get less done and they don't mind the lack of work.
Which leads me to believe that maybe, I wasn't faking it. Maybe just getting what needs to be done done, and going through the motions the rest of the time, is all that anyone else does. This is a frightening proposition, because if I were doing something all the time, then my output would be tremendous. Good old ADD stops that, though. If everyone wasn't actually working, and if everyone suddenly started working . . . well . . . crikey.